Why You Don't Need Couples Therapy

​When I started writing this blog, my husband jumped on the opportunity to turn to me and tell to me how crazy I was and how I was going to lose all my potential clients with a blog title like this. Yes I get it. It seems a tad bit silly for someone in the business of therapy, like me, to think of reasons why you don't need therapy. But sometimes therapy isn't for everyone. Here are three main reasons why you should second guess therapy. 

1. You like your relationship the way it is. 

The number one goal of relational therapy is to create waves in relationships. If you like your relationship the way it is, couples therapy most likely isn't for you. Those who are not committed to doing things differently usually become stuck and frustrated in therapy. I'm not saying you need be willing to change everything you know about yourself and your relationship, but you have to be willing to make a tiny change, every now and then. Many couples enjoy running at status quo and would prefer not to dive into any issues that may be lurking under the surface. Having an open mind AND A READINESS FOR SOMETHING NEW is essential for success in therapy 

Relational Therapy differs from individual therapy by focusing on how people interact, rather than focusing on what they interact about. Therapy encourages couples to step outside of their comfort zones and try something new. THE KEY TO CHANGE IN RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS IS PRESENTING THE VULNERABLE SIDES OF OURS self. Being able to drive through the conflict, hurt, and distrust helps facilitate healing in relationships. It's not easy, and it's not for all couples. 

2. You think your partner is the one that needs to change. 

While that's probably true {Wink} , Relationships are a two way street. It takes two to tango. or whatever corny phrase you'd like to use to describe the reciprocity of relationships. Each partner in a relationship is directly and indirectly influenced by the other partner. Relationships are circular, not linear. They are a common case of "what came first, the chicken or the egg?" The complexity of relationships makes it difficult, and irrelevant to determine who started it, but rather to focus on how to change it.

Couples who spend most of their time trying to figure out what is wrong with their partner often overlook their own contributions to the Relationship* and develop resentment towards their partner. IF each individual can turn the mirror on themselves, the path becomes smoother towards creating empathy and respect in relationships. Couples who are aware of their patterns are able to change their patterns through mindfulness. Relational therapy focuses on disrupting these circular patterns, that have become destructive, to create lasting change and focus on instilling a new way of relating to an old time love.

​3. You are not in a position to commit the time and energy necessary. 

With the daily chaos of life, it is hard for couples to devote time to their relationship. Many of times, couples believe there is not any time or resources to feed their relationship, thus these relationships usually die of starvation. Couples therapy is challenging, as is true of every aspect of any relationship. It requires a commitment, dedication, and effort to changing the dynamics of your partnership. However, individuals may not have the time and energy to fully commit. 

Let me stop you right there. You don't have the time and energy to continue to "survive" in a relationship that is not living up to its potential. It is easy to be drained by daily life, however therapy helps not only your relationship with your partner, but helps to improve your well-being in all aspects of life. Setting up your priorities allows for improvement both individually and INTER-PERSONALLY. Couples therapy allows an OPPORTUNITY for you take on life,  head on, within the confines of a loving, supportive, and flourishing relationship. 

Brittany Malak, LMFT

You just might like...