Why Being Busy Is Not An Excuse For Why Your Marriage Is Failing

The Glamour of Busy
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We live in a world in where it is glamorous to be busy. As if being busy is something we should strive for. Feel proud of for accomplishing. Rub it in our friends and family’s face on how we’ve just been just “soooo busy” lately.

The Competition of Busy

Unfortunately, merely the act of “being busy” is not enough. I mean does it really count if you don’t tell people how busy you are? This mentality creates a strange sort of competition. Suddenly we find ourselves in competition with our loved ones on who can be the “busiest”. The next thing you know you’re arguing with your best friend Sue about who really has less time.

The Hoax of Busy-ness and Its Impact on Relationships.

As a couple’s therapist, one of the biggest complaints that many couples come to me with is not having enough time: being too busy to connect, too busy to communicate well, too busy to have sex, too busy to show appreciation, too busy to show love etc. The list is just seems endless these days.

But is that all true? Are we really just too busy to be good partners to the love of our life?

Perhaps an unpopular opinion, however I feel as if it’s my job to challenge this idea of being “too busy”. Perhaps this busy-ness is just a hoax.

I’ve heard a quote recently “You’re only as busy as you’d like to be.” This really stuck with me and challenged me to not only challenge my couples with this complaint, but my own view of busy-ness and it’s crippling hold it has had on my life.

What makes this quote so appealing? The inference that we, as individuals, as couples, have control over our own busy-ness and perhaps in turn the well-being of ourselves and our relationship.

The Art of Being Un-Busy

I’m starting to like the ring of being “un-busy”. Imagine having time to curl up next to your hubby on a brisk fall evening next to the fire or spending an extra second sipping coffee together in the morning. Un-busy doesn’t sound like a bad thing.

Have five minutes to spare? Answer yes every time. The truth is, we have five minutes for the things that really matter.

What does it mean to be un-busy? That inner critic in all of us is screaming right now at the thought of being un-busy. “You mean we should all be lazy and do nothing? Yeah RIGHT.” I can hear it now.

My mind goes right to fifth grade math class when a sub gives “busy work”. Work just for the sake of doing work. Being busy, just for the sake of being busy.

Being un-busy is about prioritizing life, not things. Being un-busy is about the journey, not the end product.

Being an Un-Busy Couple

Being an un-busy couple means always having time to be in the present with one another. In all our daily life busy-ness we have limited opportunities to see the little moments that make our relationship really special.

Relationships aren’t built on all inclusive trips to the Bahamas, but the little moments were we smile, laugh, and soak in the moment with our partner.

Being an un-busy couple means scheduling your life to not only to meet your goals, but allow for flexibility. Never being too busy to snag a hug, have a cuddle on the couch, make eye contact with your love, or simply give one another a loving look.

Take the pledge tonight with your partner to be un-busy. Shred your to-do list. Allow the kids to carpool home from football. Prioritize one another. Allow yourselves the space to be spontaneous.